This past Saturday Simone and I dressed as pirates, and took the public bus to the mall. After we were done robbing and pillaging the local Starbucks for a nonfat chai and kid’s chocolate milk, we partook in a fan event to celebrate the release of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Needless to say, as mega-fans of this franchise, both of us had a great time. I had heard rumors that they might have a special advance screening of the movie, but nothing was guaranteed.
There was a huge line going right past the door of Starbuck’s leading to who-knows-where, going all the way around a corner of the mall. Since the line was full of people in full-on pirate regalia, we knew that was the line for us. After waiting for a few minutes, we rounded the corner and saw a little table where girls were checking names off a guest list and handing out yellow and white wristbands and gift bags. Cranky old lady: “Are you on the list?” Me: “No, but we’re available to see the screening anyway, so it’s ok for you to give us everything.” Cranky old lady looks at me. She looks at Simone. Then she smiles. “Well, of course you can. You’re dressed as pirates. You get to sit in the VIP section.” First score of the afternoon.
A slightly more cheerful girl motions us down to the end of the table and starts handing us stuff. She literally gave us so much crap our hands could not hold it all, and I could not get it into my non-piratey Banana Republic bag fast enough. Each of us got a bunch of publicity cards, tattoos, stickers, postcards, and four bottles of POTC-themed OPI nail polish. Then, we took another ten steps and got numerous free samples of Pirates Booty snacks. Does anyone sense a theme here?
There was a table set up with some cool souvies for sale. I bought Simone some pins when another, even more cheerful staff member comes up and asks Simone if she’d like to compete in a pirate costume contest. Of course, she says yes and is quickly shanghaied onto a stage with a bunch of other people. Some random DJ from some random, crappy New York City radio station proceeds to run the costume contest by having people step forward while the audience cheers and yells “Arrgh!” and “Avast! There be a pirate! Now pass the rum!!!!1!” Simone came in second place, with only a slightly lower decibel level than the winner. I have to say, there were some awesome kits on these people. I am now on fire to make my own, super-historically accurate (ok, maybe semi-sorta accurate) pirate kit for festivals and looting. For her second place prize, Simone was again led away through the crowd to a table full POTC action figure sets and told to pick whatever she wanted. She picked a tiny Captain Jack and a plastic, 18th-century style paddy wagon in which she can imprison the mini Captain Jack.
Assorted other piratey stuff went on, including a group sing-along of “Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Pirate’s Life for Me.” They handed out a song sheet, but I’ve been on the Disney ride so many times I didn’t need to look.
Eventually, a publicity guy got all the pirate VIPs to line up. He took us all over the mall and posed all the costume contest people in front of a bunch of movie props in different places. Were people staring? Well, would you stare if a hundred or so pirates came through when you were enjoying a quiet evening of shopping?
Finally, we were ushered into the massive IMAX theatre, given free popcorn and drinks, and the movie started. Everyone had an all around great time. Lots of cheering and laughing throughout. Thumbs up for the film without a doubt, but then again I would watch Johnny Depp sleeping in a recliner for two hours and rave about it. We are probably going to go see it again when it really comes out next weekend. Sword fighting, explosions, zombies, attractive people of all genders, adventure, cool costumes, cream puffs… Yarrgh!
Sneakiest (and shortest) pirate to sail the seven seas.
Oncoming Train 